Following Jesus isn’t always easy. It requires trusting God and putting our focus beyond ourselves. Understandably, making disciples isn’t always easy either. And since making disciples involves two humans, it can sometimes even be messy. There have been times when I’ve made mistakes in discipleship or experienced the mistakes of others. Here are a few to avoid.
- Murky Vision
I was in a new community and eager to start discipling a student. I identified a student who came consistently to youth group and was seen as a leader by her peers. Obviously, she would make a great candidate to disciple. I proposed the idea of discipleship to her. She seemed surprised, and I quickly explained what I meant. She wanted to think about it, which to me was a sign of maturity. Later that week, she made a sweet card for me and said she wanted to be discipled. In my haste, however, I realized that I never laid any foundation of what discipleship looked like, the purpose of discipleship, or even why I was so passionate about it. As I tried to set up times to meet with her, her schedule seemed to crowd out any opportunity. I was disheartened, but in my reflection, I realized that I hadn’t set either of us up for success. My student didn’t have a framework for discipleship because the concept was new to her. If I had to do it again, I would make sure to cast vision better. My student would understand the commitment and would better able to decide if she were interested in it. If she wasn’t, I could have found another student, and we would have both avoided disappointment.
- Inconsistency
Inconsistency is something I avoid as much as possible in every area of my life (except for exercising…somehow I’m okay with being inconsistent with that). If I say I’m going to do something, I’ll do it. This means I am slower to give my “yes,” but when I do, you can trust it. Consistency in discipleship is essential. Once an older woman wanted to set up monthly coffee dates with me. I was thrilled that someone took initiative to reach out to me; however in the course of two months, she stood me up once, rescheduled twice, and canceled on me once. If I had been younger or perhaps a new Christian, this would have devastated me; it had the potential to derail me. Luckily, neither of these things happened, and I moved on. When we take a step to disciple someone, we must follow through; the possible cost of inconsistency is too high.
- Lack of Listening
After a coffee date with a college student, something felt off, and I didn’t understand why. She came to me with some heavy things on her heart, things that I had experienced, and I felt confident in the advice I gave her. As I was musing over the disconnect I felt, God interrupted my thoughts: You didn’t really listen to her…or to me. My mouth dropped open a bit as I took this in. It was true. As she shared, I assumed things by comparing her situation with mine. I was too eager to talk, to give the answer, to be right. Perhaps, my advice wasn’t so helpful after all. Of course, I would have known this if I had also listened to the most important Person in the conversation: God. Before, during, and after meeting with someone, I pray for God to be a part of the conversation; as I listen to young women, I am also listening to God for God’s insight and direction. (Doing this takes practice and patience, but it’s really rewarding.) I had forgotten to include God in this particular meeting. God’s grace is generous, and I was able to continue to disciple her, even with the bump in the road, but I definitely don’t want to make this mistake again.
Movement Step: What mistakes have you experienced in discipleship, either by you or someone discipling you? Pray and ask God to remind you of some discipleship lessons. How can you avoid these mistakes?
