In a few short months, my life is about to change forever. I am joining the motherhood with the arrival of our first born. To say that I’m excited wouldn’t do my feelings justice (more like exploding delight). To say that I’m entering this season without fears, concerns, questions would be a lie bigger than even Pinocchio can tell. I am feeling it all—phenomenal joy, curious wonderment, dreaded unease. I know, intellectually, that motherhood is tough. I know there will triumphs, disappointments, and the mundane. I know that I won’t be able to do this motherhood well in my own strength, so I decide to take a few days away from the routine to spend time with Jesus, to get away and to prepare for the upcoming season. With a friend, we rented a cozy cabin in Big Bear in April, so we could each do a personal retreat.
The purpose of the getaway was to simply be with Jesus. I didn’t have any other agenda than that. I wanted to purposefully connect with him. Much like I anticipate motherhood, there were (bathroom) interruptions that shifted the focus in my quiet times. My slow walking pace made a trail a bit more tiring and strenuous. I couldn’t get people out of my head. As I tried to pray, faces and situations and challenges would creep up. I had to give them to the best person I knew—Jesus. Even in trying to be still, even in the quiet, I was still striving. Striving for connection, striving for presence, always striving, even in the rest, always working.
But this, for me, is part of the process. Part of the cleaning off the cobwebs and dusting my tired heart. It’s refocusing on who matters before I focus on what matters. A to-do list is easier for me than stilling my soul to be with Jesus. With a pronounced sense of accomplishment, I love to check off prayer, journaling, Bible reading in my quiet time. And that’s why I had to bring my to-do list to him. Sometimes over and over again.
In the first few moments of clarity and connection, I sensed Jesus nudge me to spend more intimate time with him on a daily basis, not just go through my check list. This wrestling through myself to get to intimacy takes up valuable time, time I may not have a lot of once the motherhood comes. But if I can make space now, if I can just be in Jesus’ presence, then whether I have 5 minutes or 50 minutes in the next season, I can get to that pocket of intimacy a little quicker.
My longing is to genuinely invite Jesus into every part of my day, to stay in tune with his Spirit, movement, and direction, and to respond to his invitations to me. This next season is not about breathe of study or scripture or a to-do list. Instead, it’s about precious time with Jesus, to listen, to sit in awe, and to move when he tells me.
Movement Step: There are some times in our lives when Jesus is inviting us to do different things with him—whether it’s a deep Bible study, reading through the entire Bible, developing a consistent prayer time, diving into daily worship, or something else altogether. Take some time today to reflect on where you are in your faith life. Set aside sometime to pray and listen and ask Jesus what he is inviting you into right now.
