“Whoa! That’s a lot of entries!” One of the nurses in our postpartum room was examining our record of our Sweet Girl’s feeding, peeing, and pooping. “I can’t believe you’re already on the second page. Most parents hardly finish a first.”
“Oh, we’re rule followers. You tell us to do something, and we will!” I said laughingly.
It was true—by nature, both my husband Eric and I follow guidelines. Being first-time parents just magnified it. Lovingly and diligently, we recorded every activity of Sweet Girl’s first two days of life just as the nurses instructed us to do. It seemed easy and simple…and it was something we could control. It reminded me of how I used to follow Jesus.
As a child, I equated being a disciple with going to Sunday School, ready to recite my memory verse and to give my (parents’) dollar in the offering. Following Jesus meant being the first ones to set up for an event at church and the last ones to leave after cleaning up. These are far from acts of evil, but they do become dangerous if following Jesus is only the doing. The way I followed Jesus required a lot of doing, and it wasn’t too far of a leap to go from doing to judging what others did; comparing myself to the contributions of others swiftly led also to pride. Instead of following Jesus, I was well on my way to becoming a cute, little Pharisee.
It’s less cute to be a Pharisee as an adult, but even today, following “rules” can be tempting. I can check off church attendance, count my volunteer hours, submit my tithe, and feel pretty good about myself. “Rules” allow me to hide—from God, from people, from myself. It doesn’t matter if I’m doing well holistically—I come to church. It doesn’t matter if I’m stuck in a sin pattern—I’m giving my time. As long as I’m tithing, does it matter if the rest of my worship is halfhearted? Without much warning, life becomes a dull routine, and the gospel loses its power and witness in my life. Slowly, I’m lulled into a stupor, and my growth is stunted.
Jesus is so much more than a checklist. Jesus invites us into a dynamic, growing relationship, a relationship in which we cannot remain the same though he does. His love is safe and unending and more extravagant than we can possibly imagine. In the depths of our hearts, we know unequivocally the “rules” are nothing compared to life Jesus offers us, the life we first said “yes” to when we decided to follow him.
When Eric and I got home with Sweet Girl, the illusion of control the hospital record form gave us evaporated quickly. She was doing her own thing, and we needed to catch up. This took time—correction, this is still taking time. In the process, we’re not checking off boxes but getting to know our daughter. In the process, caring for her isn’t an accomplishment to show off (good thing, too, because those blowouts…); instead, it’s an opportunity to slow down and build a relationship with her. In the process, I am being refined and redirected. If I allow it, if I don’t hide from the challenge of it, Sweet Girl will teach me more of what it means to be a Woman Disciple.
Movement Step: When I find myself giving into the temptation of the “rules,” I try to course-correct by taking my eyes off the doing stuff and putting them on Jesus. I do this through worshiping at home in a quiet space or journaling a prayer of thanksgiving, reminding myself of who God is. The goal is to connect with God without a goal—just connect for the sake of relationship. Consider making space this weekend to connect with God without a plan or agenda. Allow God to refresh you and empower you.
